Body dysmorphia

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There are days when I want to delete all my posts that have my face in it. Pictures that once seemed okay enough to post now look hideous and make me wonder what made me even entertain the thought of posting them in the first place. It’s like looking at the same pictures but with a fresh pair of eyes.

Did my head look that long before? How come I didn’t notice how big my arms were? Is this really the best I could choose to post out of the 10,567 pictures I took of the same exact pose that day ? 😂

Body dysmorphia can be defined as a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. The flaw may be minor or imagined.

Recently, I’ve been obsessed with my arms. I gained some ‘I’m writing exams and I stresss’ weight and to put it mildly, I’ve been disgusted with myself. It hasn’t helped that the first comment a number of people have passed when they see me has been
“ei you’ve gained weight o”

“ah way3 k3se papa” (translation: ah you’ve become very big)

“wow now dier you’re obolo”

Someone actually told me ‘instead of studying for the exams you’ve been there eating.’ LMAO. I’m not even going to get started on those comments and the kind of impact they have. That’s another post for another day. But what I will say is that, if my arms looked kinda big before, those comments made them look HUGE to me.

Now, when I look in the mirror, the first thing I see is my arms. The second thing I do is wiggle them and swallow the disgust that creeps up my chest. The third thing I think is ‘what can I wear to cover them.’ It’s sad. I’ve become a captive to my arms. I generally don’t have a problem with weight, but I gain a little and it feels like the world is coming to an end. Like I’m no longer worthy of attention or feeling beautiful because ‘ew, fat arms.’ Because the standard of beauty society has set has been ingrained in my mind.

Unfortunately this post doesn’t end with some motivational ‘it gets better/you’ll be okay’ speech. (But that post is coming 😉) It’s not one of those days. It’s just me thinking out loud, sharing my candid thoughts and letting you know that I haven’t cracked the code yet. It really do be like that sometimes. And I would tell you that you’re stunning/handsome regardless but I doubt you’ll believe me. What I will say though, that the standard for beauty cannot be defined by any one person.

You are beautiful/handsome, whatever that means to you. Truly. And I hope that you choose to believe that daily, and not let society project their unrealistic, warped, standards on you.
(Okay so I know I said this isn’t a motivational speech and it’s not. I just couldn’t help encouraging you a little 🙈).

But anyway, this is just to say that bro,sis. It’s not just you. We all go through it sometimes. Just remember that in this too, you are not alone.

You are never alone. ❤️

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